“Some of them say that you made them.”
“I made them?”
“Yes, that’s what some of them say.”
“Impossible. Do they not know what they are made of?”
“They know they are meat. They even know their molecular constitution – proteins, DNA, and all that.”
“And they say that I made the meat.”
“Well, they do not say that you made the meat. They say that you gave them the soul.”
“The what?”
“The soul, so that they can think and feel.”
“So they have not discovered the brain yet?”
“They know the brain all right. But they say you made them think, not the brain itself.”
“ Ludicrous. What about evolution?”
“One of them, Charles Darwin, has speculated evolution. But some of them still refuse to accept it.”
“What about the monkeys? Even a fool can see that they are related to the monkeys.”
“They say you also made the monkeys.”
“This is too much. What else do they think I made?”
“Everything.”
“Everything?”
“Everything: the universe, the Sun, the Earth, the animals, the Man.”
“The universe. THAT is my proudest creation. Have they discovered the gravity and the space time invariance?”
“A man by the name Isaac Newton worked out the law of gravity. Another man, Albert Einstein, realized the space time invariance and called it the theory of relativity.”
“I am suitably impressed. At least some of them have a brain.”
“They all do. Just some of them do not use it.”
“Do they see the elegance in my creation? The symmetry and beauty in the physical laws?”
“A few of them do. The few that study physics.”
“And with all that knowledge of the elegance in my creation, they believe that I made the meat!”
“Some of them.”
“Then they should take a look at the proteins! Do they not see how ugly they are? A disorderly nondescript blob of atoms, obeying no rule but the rule of chance.”
“Max Perutz, the man who solved the first protein structure, made a similar remark.”
“They cannot believe that, having created a set of elegant physical laws, I went on to make something so ugly?”
“The ones that believe you made them apparently do not know how ugly the proteins look.”
“And the brain! It disgusts me to even think how messy the neurons are scrambled all over the place. If I were to make a thinking machine, I would make it nice and neat, using silicon and logic gates.”
“They made their own thinking machines using silicon and logic gates.”
“Remarkable. Who thought of such machines?”
“Von Neumann was credited as the father of these thinking machines. But it was Alan Turing, a homosexual, who proved a theorem showing that these machines were possible.”
“A homosexual?”
“A man who has sex with another man. Interestingly, the homosexuals are detested by the ones who believe that you made them.”
“Why is that?”
“Because they believe you see homosexuality as an abomination.”
“Whatever. They think that I had all the time to bother about a man’s sexual disposition?”
“They think you are omnipotent and omniscient.”
“I wish.”
“I made them?”
“Yes, that’s what some of them say.”
“Impossible. Do they not know what they are made of?”
“They know they are meat. They even know their molecular constitution – proteins, DNA, and all that.”
“And they say that I made the meat.”
“Well, they do not say that you made the meat. They say that you gave them the soul.”
“The what?”
“The soul, so that they can think and feel.”
“So they have not discovered the brain yet?”
“They know the brain all right. But they say you made them think, not the brain itself.”
“ Ludicrous. What about evolution?”
“One of them, Charles Darwin, has speculated evolution. But some of them still refuse to accept it.”
“What about the monkeys? Even a fool can see that they are related to the monkeys.”
“They say you also made the monkeys.”
“This is too much. What else do they think I made?”
“Everything.”
“Everything?”
“Everything: the universe, the Sun, the Earth, the animals, the Man.”
“The universe. THAT is my proudest creation. Have they discovered the gravity and the space time invariance?”
“A man by the name Isaac Newton worked out the law of gravity. Another man, Albert Einstein, realized the space time invariance and called it the theory of relativity.”
“I am suitably impressed. At least some of them have a brain.”
“They all do. Just some of them do not use it.”
“Do they see the elegance in my creation? The symmetry and beauty in the physical laws?”
“A few of them do. The few that study physics.”
“And with all that knowledge of the elegance in my creation, they believe that I made the meat!”
“Some of them.”
“Then they should take a look at the proteins! Do they not see how ugly they are? A disorderly nondescript blob of atoms, obeying no rule but the rule of chance.”
“Max Perutz, the man who solved the first protein structure, made a similar remark.”
“They cannot believe that, having created a set of elegant physical laws, I went on to make something so ugly?”
“The ones that believe you made them apparently do not know how ugly the proteins look.”
“And the brain! It disgusts me to even think how messy the neurons are scrambled all over the place. If I were to make a thinking machine, I would make it nice and neat, using silicon and logic gates.”
“They made their own thinking machines using silicon and logic gates.”
“Remarkable. Who thought of such machines?”
“Von Neumann was credited as the father of these thinking machines. But it was Alan Turing, a homosexual, who proved a theorem showing that these machines were possible.”
“A homosexual?”
“A man who has sex with another man. Interestingly, the homosexuals are detested by the ones who believe that you made them.”
“Why is that?”
“Because they believe you see homosexuality as an abomination.”
“Whatever. They think that I had all the time to bother about a man’s sexual disposition?”
“They think you are omnipotent and omniscient.”
“I wish.”
9 comments:
It reads like Don McLean's American Pie, but this time about natural science.
It’s About The Meat
“So, let me get this straight. You did NOT create them.”
“That is actually not true.”
“How’s that?”
“You see, I did not do the whole clay and breath thing as you mentioned earlier.”
“Why not? It is a standard procedure here. There is even a kit, ‘Life Made Easy’. It got all the ingredients you need.”
“Yes, but I am just not that artistic. I made several different models but I was not satisfied with any of them.”
“You are such a perfectionist.”
“I can be a little obsessive-compulsive sometimes.”
“Then what did you do?”
“I dumped some soup in the ocean and said, let there be evolution.”
“Did you really say that?”
“Yes, I talk to myself all the time when I work.”
“By the way, did you also set the stars and planets in motion like Newton said?”
“Yes, I did that too.”
“The whole evolution thing, it was such a brilliant idea. I guess that was your breakthrough.”
“Indeed, once I got that started, everything else fell into place by themselves.”
“What an amazing drama that has followed! Let me tell you again, I adore your work, absolutely.”
“Thank you. You are being very kind.”
“But you did not follow their history?”
“I did that for a while and I am still doing it from time to time. But they are so self-centered and melodramatic. Whenever something happens, they say the end is near. I miss the episode when dinosaurs roamed the earth. Tons of action, literally. That was my favorite one. ”
“Mine too, actually. Are you surprised that they also try to create something themselves?”
“It is definitely very cute of them to do that. But I guess that makes sense.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think I created that world in the first place?”
“They think you created them in your own image.”
“Amusing, as you can see.”
“Who’s your favorite artist among them?”
“I don’t have one.”
“How about Leonardo Da Vinci?”
“He’s good. But he’s so gay.”
“You think so?”
“No doubt about it. Mona Lisa knew all about it too.”
“That was why she was smiling.”
“Exactly.”
“Do you make them suffer?”
“Of course, where else do you think they can get their inspirations from? What will always comfort them is that the fountain of creation lies deep in the abyss of loneliness.”
“Deep, indeed. But do you think it has been a little too much for the gays?”
“I thought we were talking about artists.”
“Sorry about the confusion. I guess it does not really matter after all. Are you jealous that they turned out to be more artistic than you?”
“Oh no, not at all. Their art is all about the meat, more or less.”
“Do you think they will find you in the end?”
“I can’t tell you that. You will have to wait and see.”
“It has been a very successful show judging from its popularity here. Do you have anything else in the works?”
“It’s been a pleasure for me too, for the most part. I am thinking about making the last episode soon as it is really annoying to hear them say ‘The end is near. The end is near.’ I am working on a new series but it is a secret for now.”
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